More happy pictures of glowing autumn trees. They’re almost luminous.

Look who came by and did not leave as soon as he’d checked Nysse’s food bowl! Cuddly Morris is back!

He did start by checking the food bowl, but then walked towards the sofa with a very goal-oriented mien, jumped up, and settled on Adrian’s chest. He stayed upright and alert for a while, but actually relaxed enough to lie down after some time.

We had a team lunch with the Sortera team today, and walked from the office to the restaurant, with nice views along the way.

During dinner, our project manager – very clearly the most “people person” among us – kept the conversation interesting by throwing out questions. One of them was: what major event in your life has affected it the most?

Lives are, of course, full of pivotal events that make it change course. Had I gone to a different university, things would be different. Had I not met Eric, had I taken a different job, had I not quit my finance job for software engineering, had I not moved here and there – all of these changes would have ensured that I end up in a different place.

However, with all of those counterfactuals I can still imagine what life might be like. But there is one event so pivotal that, had things gone differently, I cannot even realistically picture how my life would be, and that is moving to Sweden.

The move was not my decision – I was only fifteen at the time and it was more or less just decided for me. I didn’t fully realize it at the time, because I wasn’t thinking in such terms, but the move was traumatic. As a teenager – a sensitive time in life – all of a sudden leaving behind my father, all my friends, what little extended family we had, everything that was familiar. New town, new country, new language, new school system, new teenage culture, new everything. And that in an era without internet or email or video calls or even normal phone calls back to Estonia (because international phone calls were prohibitively expensive). I remember regularly collapsing on a bed and sleeping for a few hours after getting home from school in the afternoon, because it was mentally so exhausting.

I coped, and I managed, but that one change has surely coloured everything that I have done since. Without it, I imagine would have lived a much steadier life. It took many years for me to feel fully confident and comfortable in Sweden, to stop feeling like an outsider trying to fit in. Plus for years we only had temporary residence permits, to be renewed every year or two, so there was always the threat of potentially being uprooted all over again and having to start over. And there was nobody to lean on. I had friends at school, but they were all new and thus superficial relationships, and I didn’t feel that I had much in common with most of them. I was very alone. I don’t think I can even pick out all the ways that this fundamental lack of security and support has affected my choices later in life.

There’s no control group to compare to. Have the challenges made me stronger in the end? Or would I have grown more if I’d had stable ground to stand upon? Who knows.

The move did of course broaden my horizons. One move led to another, and another – I spent a term in Belgium as an exchange student, seven years working in London, and months New York. I’ve travelled more and experienced more than I would have done if I had remained in Estonia. I doubt that I’d have climbed the Kilimanjaro, or gone diving in the Red Sea, or seen Yo-Yo Ma live in concert.

Trees in their full autumn glory everywhere. Cherries and maples are the awesomest.

Ingrid turns eighteen today.

She is technically an adult now. She can vote now, get married, take any job, get a driver’s license, order alcohol at a bar, and more. When that felt overwhelming, I reminded her that she is still only just one day older than yesterday. She’s allowed to be a teenager still.

Everything has been mildly to moderately overwhelming for weeks and weeks. Drama at tretton37. Deciding to divorce. Deciding to leave tretton37. Job search. Divorce admin. House valuation. More divorce admin. Embroidery course. Party prep. Plus all of everyday life that still needs to happen – work, grocery shopping, cooking dinners, helping with homework.

I was doing my embroidery homework just before midnight, because that’s when I finally had some time for myself. Hand-stitching is a nice way to unwind.

I think I may have turned the corner now, though. The divorce settlement agreement has been signed, and I have also signed with a new employer, so at least I can put those projects behind me. Of the big things, I’ve just got the mortgage application process left. And the embroidery course, very enjoyable but also rather time-consuming, is more than halfway done.

The party preparations started several days ago, with three cakes baked over three days. We had an apple-pie cheesecake (Ingrid), a banana and chocolate cake (Adrian) and an almond cherry pie (Eric).

Today Ingrid decorated the house with golden balloons and serpentines.

Then there were guests – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins – and presents.

The cakes and cheeses and snacks were eaten with much joy and appreciation.

There had been some concern that three cakes might be excessive, but it really wasn’t.

With no one to take pictures of me, here are two quick selfies to prove that I was also there.

Afterwards, we were tired.

Prepping for tomorrow’s celebration with our extended families of Ingrid’s and Adrian’s birthdays.

The children can barely be called children any more, and the guests are getting older. Cake is still an important part of a birthday party, but there’s more and more interest for less sugary snacks. Hence, a cheese platter or two. I’m splurging and buying the cheeses at an actual cheesemonger’s in Hötorgshallen, rather than just supermarket cheese.

A tribute concert to Georg Riedel, a Czech-born Swedish jazz musician and composer, who died earlier this year. A mixed bag. What I’m taking with me is that I like the singing of Sarah Riedel and Channa Riedel.

Ingrid has grown barely a few millimetres since last year. Got past me; job done. She didn’t even grow enough to make room to draw a new line for her this year.