There used to be a time when Ingrid had needs. When her needs were not satisfied, she reacted, mostly by crying. There was little or no conscious involvement or decision in the crying, and (I imagine) little understanding that she was crying because of something. Crying just happened, like a force of nature.
Now she has developed wants. And when her wants are not satisfied, she reacts. Sometimes by shrieking, sometimes by arching her back violently to get away, sometimes by crying big big tears.
The smallest things can upset her. Occasionally the sight of a spoon and a bowl is enough to set her off crying, sounding like she was being tortured. I don’t really understand why she cries – I am pretty sure that she is hungry, I am not forcing food down her throat (in fact I haven’t even lifted the spoon yet) and it is food she likes. Generally she stops after a short while and is then happy to eat, although sometimes she refuses the spoon and will only eat with her fingers.
In any case, she is now crying because she wants to tell me something, and she knows it. She just doesn’t have any other way of expressing her wishes. And when she really wants it badly, she cries hard. I can already see the emerging roots of proper tantrums in this – you know, the kind of tantrums that involve lying on the floor, kicking and squirming and screaming. Preferably in a public place.
I hate hearing and seeing her cry. Some months ago I heard a parent say “It’s surprising how quickly you get immune to your own child wailing.” No, I don’t actually. Her cries still pain me. If it is something I can fix, I do. If she is crying because she sees me hold a spoon, well, I put down the spoon and walk away so she can calm down. If she is crying because I won’t let her play with my camera, I hide the camera and distract her. Sometimes, of course, I have to harden my heart and ignore her crying, no matter how much it hurts – for example when she wails because she does not want to lie down for a nappy change.
Other times I can’t do anything because I just don’t know what she wants. I am really looking forward to when she learns to talk so she can tell me.
I have become immune to my child’s wailing if it’s a tantrum wailing and not because he’s sick or hurt. Have you tried teaching her baby sign language? Some people say it’s really good as children will be able to communicate before they can talk.
We did make an attempt to teach her signs, but I found it quite hard. It was hard to sign “food” while holding a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other. And hard to actually get her attention – she was rarely looking in the right direction, not even close. So we sort of gave up. Maybe we should give that another go.
I strongly suggest baby signing:-) In London you have plenty of playgroups to join. It is never too late though unless they are already talking. My sons is written down in Pere & Kodu article: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beebiviibe/message/5
I think our daughter knows more signs than son at that age (15months), because we started earlier.
Our
I just noticed that our daughters are about the same age.
Ours is a bit of a drama queen and I think without signing it would be worse.
Even if she doesn’t look at you she still notices if you keep doing it over and over again.
Hmmm… maybe we should give it another go then.