There used to be a time when Ingrid had needs. When her needs were not satisfied, she reacted, mostly by crying. There was little or no conscious involvement or decision in the crying, and (I imagine) little understanding that she was crying because of something. Crying just happened, like a force of nature.

Now she has developed wants. And when her wants are not satisfied, she reacts. Sometimes by shrieking, sometimes by arching her back violently to get away, sometimes by crying big big tears.

The smallest things can upset her. Occasionally the sight of a spoon and a bowl is enough to set her off crying, sounding like she was being tortured. I don’t really understand why she cries – I am pretty sure that she is hungry, I am not forcing food down her throat (in fact I haven’t even lifted the spoon yet) and it is food she likes. Generally she stops after a short while and is then happy to eat, although sometimes she refuses the spoon and will only eat with her fingers.

In any case, she is now crying because she wants to tell me something, and she knows it. She just doesn’t have any other way of expressing her wishes. And when she really wants it badly, she cries hard. I can already see the emerging roots of proper tantrums in this – you know, the kind of tantrums that involve lying on the floor, kicking and squirming and screaming. Preferably in a public place.

I hate hearing and seeing her cry. Some months ago I heard a parent say “It’s surprising how quickly you get immune to your own child wailing.” No, I don’t actually. Her cries still pain me. If it is something I can fix, I do. If she is crying because she sees me hold a spoon, well, I put down the spoon and walk away so she can calm down. If she is crying because I won’t let her play with my camera, I hide the camera and distract her. Sometimes, of course, I have to harden my heart and ignore her crying, no matter how much it hurts – for example when she wails because she does not want to lie down for a nappy change.

Other times I can’t do anything because I just don’t know what she wants. I am really looking forward to when she learns to talk so she can tell me.