Looking at things objectively (trying to, at least) we’re doing great. Ingrid is eating, sleeping, gaining weight. I am eating, sleeping, and not losing too much weight. But I find it hard to be satisfied. It’s not that I am dissatisfied… I just want things to be even better – NOW.

During the first few days I wished I wasn’t so sore and exhausted. I got that.
The rest of week 1 I wished that breastfeeding wouldn’t hurt so. I got that.
Week 2 I wished for more predictability and routine, and to have time and energy to at least eat regularly. I got that.
Week 3 I wished that Ingrid could fall asleep without an hour of fuss – shushing, rocking, holding, dummy-popping etc. We’re sort of getting there – sometimes it only takes 20 minutes, and sometimes we just give up after a while and let her fall asleep with the dummy.

If week 1 had gone as well as today, or even if I had known that everything will go so well so soon, I would have been ecstatic! But now that we’re here, instead of being satisfied, I wish for more… I wish we could find a predictable way to get her to fall asleep when she is asleep, and I wish I had time and energy for something other than making sure the two of us eat and sleep enough.

All of these things have seemed completely inachievable, which is very frustrating. (Much of that hopelessness has probably been due to my constant tiredness. Things always seem a lot worse when you’re tired!) And now is no different. At least now I know enough to recognise the pattern and know that what I want will indeed be achievable, and even quite soon (if the pattern repeats itself).

I guess its human nature to never be quite satisfied. Or my nature, at least.

Edited on November 6th at 3:30 AM