Yesterday I linked to an article about the general negative and nasty tone that reigns in Estonia, and wrote about how I don’t want to live there because of it.

A positive atmosphere is important to me. I make an effort to make sure that this is what I have around me.

“Say yes.” “Look on the bright side.” “What’s the worst that can happen.” “Of course I can do this.”

And this does require real effort at times. Sometimes positivity comes easily, but at other times I sink into a passive, negative mood. It goes in waves. Nothing nearly as dramatic as bipolar disease, but there are noticeable (to me) waves nevertheless. In the troughs I have a high activation energy, to borrow a scientific term: it is difficult for me to get started with any activity, and easier to just be lazy and do nothing in particular. (The default mindless activity is usually mindlessly browsing the web.)

I am aware of this tendency and that is often enough to counteract the worst of it. I know that my inclination is to say no to activities, and I know that once I get started I am almost sure to enjoy it. I make an effort to say yes.

Negative people “eat up” the energy I have. I can feel it drain out of me.

With some people, in some relationships, I see it as my responsibility to support and encourage and push them towards positivity, when needed. I do this very consciously with Ingrid: it is part of my responsibility as parent. I see it as part of my role as team leader at work, too.

(That is another important reason for me not to want to live in Estonia: I don’t want my kids exposed for any long time to that kind of attitude towards other people, that kind of parenting and child-raising.)

With some people, though, I know that I have no chance: my positive energy is not sufficient to overpower their negativity. These are the people who seem to enjoy complaining and being miserable, who imagine and seem to expect the worst in every situation, who instinctively criticize and find fault with everything.

I had a friend with whom I have effectively lost all contact because I could not withstand his unceasing flood of negativity and pessimism. There is another with whom I choose to keep in touch but limit the time I spend with her, and refuse to talk about certain topics, or just let the conversation pass me by without really listening.