One of my fundamental principles of parenting is that violence is not OK. Hitting, spanking, slapping, “disciplining”, whatever you call it and whatever spin you put on it – it is not OK.

Non-violence towards children is the norm in Sweden, unlike some other countries where I understand that there are people who publicly hold the opposite view. Here, if you spoke for spanking (and not in joking) you’d be viewed as seriously misguided at the very least. If you’re a parent and you told someone you hit your kids, I suspect that you’d find the social services at your door soon, or the police.

My views on this is not what I want to discuss here. Perhaps another time.

I’ve been reminded of this cultural difference by several books I’ve read for Ingrid. Occasionally we come across mentions of adults hitting kids. In some books it is talked about very openly, while in others it’s a more oblique reference. I often struggle with how to treat such collisions between our reality and the story. Do I let it pass? Do I explain?

In Pätu the father mentions getting his belt. In Sleeping Beauty the cook reaches out to slap the kitchen boy. Even Pippi Longstocking, when telling about how she sends herself to bed, says she threatens herself with a good hiding if she doesn’t obey.

Many of the briefer and more passing references probably don’t make any sense for Ingrid at all, and pass more or less unnoticed. “Ett kok stryk” or “keretäis” (“a good hiding”, in Swedish and Estonian respectively). She isn’t even familiar with these words, it is nothing we ever feel the need to talk about in this household. And fathers reaching for their belts or for birch rods? What for? These I explain when she asks, which she rarely does with things she doesn’t understand in a book.

But when we recently read Kipling’s story about how the elephant got his trunk (in an old Estonian translation) and the poor elephant child was beaten again and again by his family and relatives, and he didn’t react with anything but sadness, I felt I had to explain. That many many years ago people thought it was OK to hit kids, but not any more. That parents mustn’t hit their kids. That no one should hit anyone.

If you are a non-violent parent, how do you deal with such stories?

This summer’s favourite recipe is a rhubarb crumble with sunflower seeds and almond paste. I love its flavourful chewy crunchiness. I think I’ve made five or six of them this summer already. Here it is:

4–5 rhubarb stalks
1/2 dl sugar (the original had more but came out too sweet for my taste)
3 dl rolled oats
1 dl sunflower seeds
100 g almond paste
100 g butter

Cut the rhubarb in pieces of 1 to 2 cm. Put them in a saucepan, add water so it barely covers the rhubarb, and bring to boil. Pour off the water. Spread the rhubarb in a pie dish and sprinkle the sugar on top.

Mix oats, sunflower seeds, butter and almond paste into a crumbly mass, and crumble it over the pie. Bake in 200°C for 15 to 20 minutes.

Here’s the original recipe.

Yesterday we all went to Drottningholm again, this time specifically to see how the king lives. I think Ingrid was pretty disappointed. Lots of large rooms with paintings and chairs you’re not allowed to sit on, and not very much else. No princesses whatsoever, nor even any princessy-looking stuff. She had more fun at the picnic we had afterwards at Ängbybadet.

We switched to unperfumed laundry detergent when baby Ingrid (then a few months old) had problems with dry skin and rashes. To keep it simple we used the same detergent both for her stuff and all our other laundry. Then about two years ago I took the next step and bought a laundry ball, which sounds like black magic and too good to be true, but it does actually seem to work. For really dirty stuff, like anything that Adrian’s worn, I take a tiny amount of (unperfumed) detergent, about two tablespoonfuls, which is about a quarter of what the manufacturers suggest. Everything still comes out looking and smelling clean.

By now my understanding of “smelling clean” is very different from most other peoples’. Now that my nose knows what clean laundry smells like, the perfumed detergents and conditioners smell disgusting. There is no way I will every buy any of those again.

Once I happened to cycle right past the air vent in a communal laundry room in an apartment block, probably coming right from its tumble dryer. The perfumed steam almost made me gag.

Any time I buy second-hand clothes (which I do often when it comes to baby clothes or nursing wear) the first thing I do is to hold them to my nose. In the vast majority of cases I then throw them straight in the dirty laundry hamper, because they smell of chemicals and synthetic perfume. I inspect the clothes again after washing, and sometimes send them back for a second round.

The back cover summarizes the setup of the book pretty well. “15th July 1988. Emma and Dexter meet on the night of their graduation. Tomorrow they must go their separate ways. So where will they be on this one day next year? And the year after that? And every year that follows?”

A lot is promised but the book falls short. Early on the plot becomes way too predictable. The wild guy who lives fast with his hip friends and cool media job, finally settles down. The bookish, slightly overweight girl, sheds glasses and turns out beautiful. The “falling in love with your best friend” cliché. “Finding yourself.”

It is also not very believable. Dexter is a jerk, more and more so as time passes. Emma is, for some inexplicable reason, unable to fall in love with anyone else, even though there doesn’t seem to be any reason for her to love or like Dex. She just hangs around somewhere on the fringe of his life and waits until finally in the end they find each other. I can understand a college girl falling for the cool guy, but as a successful adult in her 30s, her still not being able to let go doesn’t make much sense.

But the book has got its good sides, too: good dialogue, funny scenes, great 1990s detail. The structure is pretty clever and generally works well, even though some chapters “cheat” and aren’t really limited to the day itself but start with a summary of the year that’s passed.

Not bad but doesn’t quite live up to expectations.

Amazon US, Amazon UK, Adlibris.