{"id":20840,"date":"2025-07-09T23:01:02","date_gmt":"2025-07-09T22:01:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/?p=20840"},"modified":"2025-07-09T23:01:02","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T22:01:02","slug":"dissecting_a_divorce_unequal_from_the_start","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/2025\/07\/09\/dissecting_a_divorce_unequal_from_the_start\/","title":{"rendered":"Dissecting a divorce: Unequal from the start"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/2025\/07\/01\/dissecting_a_divorce_all_roads_lead_to_rome\/\">Why is the content hidden?<\/a><\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re comfortable reading about the details of my divorce, <a href=\"#\" id=\"show_divorce_unequal\">click here to read this post<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div style=\"display:none;\" id=\"divorce_unequal\">\n<p>Our relationship was unequal from the start.<\/p>\n<p>When we met, I was 19 and he was 27. He had about ten times more experience of adult life than I did.<\/p>\n<p>I was mature for my age, taking more responsibility than most people my age, and was generally not impressed by boys my age. I liked that he was more mature than them.<\/p>\n<p>(Looking back, I can&#8217;t help but wonder what he saw from his side. What could a twenty-seven-year-old see in a teenager?)<\/p>\n<p>He took on the role of &#8220;the authority&#8221;, and at the time that worked out well for both of us. It was nice to live with someone who had all kinds of life skills that I hadn&#8217;t had time to acquire yet.<\/p>\n<p>Over time, though, it became an unhealthy dynamic. Or maybe it was unhealthy from the start? In any case, this initial dynamic set the tone for our relationship forever. Him expecting to be the authority, whom I am expected to look up to.<\/p>\n<p>The thing is, I have learned and I have grown. Grown past him in some areas. I no longer want to be the subordinate partner.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m guessing that this is why our relationship worked in the past but no longer does: that unbalanced relationship fit his needs, and it doesn&#8217;t fit mine. Hasn&#8217;t done so for years now.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t want to make myself small to fit into the relationship.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><script>\n$(document).ready(function() { \n  $('#show_divorce_unequal').click(function() { \n    $('#divorce_unequal').toggle(); \n  }); \n});\n<\/script><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why is the content hidden? If you&#8217;re comfortable reading about the details of my divorce, click here to read this post. Our relationship was unequal from the start. When we met, I was 19 and he was 27. He had about ten times more experience of adult life than I did. I was mature for [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[799,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-divorce","category-observing_the_self"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20840","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20840"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20840\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20843,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20840\/revisions\/20843"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20840"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20840"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20840"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}