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Eric and I are divorcing. <\/p>\n
We agreed to do this about a month ago. Now that Ingrid and Adrian, our families, and closest friends have been informed, I can write about it here.<\/p>\n
It’s been a long time coming. We did counselling a few years back, but it didn’t make any real difference. We just can’t reach each other any more. We both want\/need things from each other that the other isn’t able to provide. There is always a tension of underlying dissatisfaction. It can be unnoticeable for a while, but keeps coming back.<\/p>\n
There are no signs that we can ever “fix” this. I see no common foundation to build upon. After years of vain effort, everybody will feel better if we stop struggling and let go.<\/p>\n
I have been vaguely considering the idea of divorce for a long time. At first as a scary worst-case scenario – what if we can’t make our relationship work and have to divorce? – that led me to do everything possible to avoid it. Then as a possible, but still scary outcome. Finally as a practical solution. Now that we have agreed to go ahead with it, the feeling is one of relief.<\/p>\n
Ingrid and Adrian were initially very shocked but are, I believe, getting used to the idea. They both have multiple friends with divorced parents, and though a few have very rocky co-parenting relationships, most manage it without drama.<\/p>\n
The shock was, in my eyes, a good thing. If we had gotten to a state where dissent was obviously visible even to children, then we’d have been well past the point where something needs to happen.<\/p>\n
Now we can do this in a civilized, even friendly way, without drama. Figure out all the practicalities together; sort out all the admin. We sent in the divorce papers yesterday, but probably won’t have separated our households before the end of the year. Eric has bought an apartment with a move-in date in November, and then he’ll need time to furnish it. I’ll be keeping the house; today we started the process of getting it valued.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Eric and I are divorcing. We agreed to do this about a month ago. Now that Ingrid and Adrian, our families, and closest friends have been informed, I can write about it here. It’s been a long time coming. We did counselling a few years back, but it didn’t make any real difference. We just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,799,4,768],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dailies","category-divorce","category-observing_the_self","category-photography-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19605","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19605"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19605\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19607,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19605\/revisions\/19607"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19605"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19605"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.toomik.net\/helen\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19605"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}